So I had just taken a bath, was all scrubbed up and 99.9 percent free of skin bacteria and germs with my skin looking just on the verge of ashy (Don't act like you don't know though, our skin does that, lol). I was following my daily after-bath rituals that had become so routine that I did not even need to think about them at all. They just happened.
Step 1: put on some anti- perspirant,
step 2: pack on the lotion (massage into skin using circular motion... We firming up you know)
And so forth, lol.
But now the routine had to catch a pause, quite early. Because today (not today specifically, but the day in question) I performed the routine right in front of the mirror. So just as I was putting the deodorant down, I glanced at the mirror, not even consciously, and caught a glimpse of my boobs.
Oh My gosh, I have boobs. Lol
(yes I'm going to be calling them boobs and not breasts)
I was a little startled. Not because I had boobs, I mean, I have always known that, lol. But this was the first time that I had consciously taken note of my boobs. I had never, never ever before this moment recognised my boobs consciously. I'd cushioned them comfortably (sometimes not so comfortably) into bra's, I'd put my hands to them, but I had never really taken conscious note of them. I was a fan of them, as opposed to a supporter.
Hmmmm.
So I took a minute to explore these babies that have been riding on my chest for a good portion of my life. These babies that had been growing (not a lot but ok) on me. How could I not have noticed my own children like that?
Oh dear goodness!
I can only imagine how comical it would have looked if anyone had a lense to my room taking in this moment. I mean there I was in front of the mirror, hands hanging at my sides, just staring at my boobs. It seems strange, I know. But I had never looked at my boobs.
While I was zoning out, I realised it was not just my boobs I was looking at, it was more than my boobs. It was my womanhood. So what was happening right then, was I was staring right into my femininity.
Again... Hmmmmm
Through a great portion of my life I had been fighting body image issues. Used to be a chunky dunk you know. I had become complacent in this fight. So much so, that even when I had shed the chunk, It had not occurred to me that there no longer needs to be a fight. It didn't matter all the whoo'ing and aah'ing and showers of "oh you look great" and "wow you've lost weight" (Oh my gosh that rhymes...so genius). I couldn't hear these compliments, or at least not consciously, because I was too busy trying to out scream the canon balls of looking like a boy (I did look like one when I was more cushioned) and all the other explosions that were questioning my confidence.
My perception of self was THAT distorted.
Hmmmm.
Please take note that this is not self pitty, right now. Forgive me if it sounds like it. Lol
I honestly only started hearing the external compliments about 3 yrs ago, yes that late, after an ex boyfriend of mine said (after a conversation that I then did not realise had been revolving around my wallowing in sub-conscious self-loathe because I had gotten so comfortable down playing my pretty that it was all just the same thing) "please don't say that about yourself".
Huh?!
He didn't say it in a patronising or condescending way, not at all. There was nothing harsh about how he said it. And in fact, I didn't even take offence.
But it did make me question why anyone would have to defend me from myself. Why was I killing myself? I was down in weight, my skin was glowing, I had an "infectious laugh" (they said) but I wasn't giving myself that credit.
Hmmmm.
It didn't make sense. I had to shape up. No doubt about it. (That wasn't a pun)
*Shout out to "ex boyfriend" who we will refer to as "that one" and with whom we are no longer associated in any form but have our universe whispering well wishes and love into his life xoxo*
There is a whole story to it (the answer to the previous question, not "that one" lol) that I am not prepared to share at this moment. I can't tell you everything you know. Certain things I am entitled to reserving for myself. It's allowed. Lol.
But anyway, I had to psyche myself up and fix this. Until I became pretty to myself. And boy did things get fun after that.
And then I was like (while I was staring at my boobs) did I become so lost in that fight that I had missed an integral part of my womanhood?
Hmmm.
I didn't notice my boobs, my curves, the fine lines that sculpt everything that embodies this beautiful breed that I was a part of. And didn't notice that I had an alluring charm of some sort, I mean I had seen it in action, but I had never REALLY noticed it. You know?
I hadn't noticed while I was chilling out in that dark place, that life was moving, and I was on the ride, but I wasn't paying attention to the journey.
I was all the things that a phenomenal woman would be, but I wasn't aware of it. I mean for heaven's sake for my high school years I was on the drama club, the public speaking team, I talked a lot, I wrote stuff that would be published in the school magazine, I was a prefect. And I was doing a damn good job at these too, lol. WHY was I not noticing that all these things require courage, and confidence. And I was doing them, so I had these traits. I was being confident and courageous to cover up how I wasn't confident and courageous. Huh?!
Do you get me though? If you wish you were "that confident and courageous girl" and you excel in things that require confidence and courage, are you then not in fact confident and courageous? The girl I was hiding behind so that no1 would know who I wasn't was in fact one person. Does that make sense?
I was so concerned with being in the boxing ring fighting my heart out, that I didn't realise I was already wearing the championship title belt (I hope that's what it's called). I was being who I secretly wished I was, but I didn't notice that... I didn't notice me!
Hmmm.
Ironically, I was in a school production of "The wizard of Oz". Tinman was in search of a heart, because he didn't have one, but he was the one always getting emotional. Scarecrow was in search of a brain, because he didn't have one, but he was the one coming up with all the brilliant ideas and master plans (note how scarecrow's credentials are so beautifully decorated, anyone want to guess which character I was playing? Lol). Neither of them realised that they already had what they wanted...they were already equipped with what they needed for their journey, They just hadn't tapped into it yet. Not consciously.
Hmmm.
These boobs, these beautiful lady lumps that will one day be the barrels that pump out love, nourishment and care. These soft little cushions (well, not thaaaat little) that will be comfort to a new life one day. These precious babies! Were preaching to me. They were telling it to me like is, "Theri get comfy baby, your body is housing the universe. Do you even know?"
I had been a beautiful woman this whole time, but I hadn't BECOME that beautiful woman. I hadn't claimed it. I was renting womanhood, but I wasn't owning it.
These boooooobs thooooough!
In front of that mirror, staring at my boobs, I graduated from adolesence.
I'm in the right mind to start answering my calls replacing "Theri hello" with "I'm a woman, hello" lol.
*smiles*
What did I learn kids?
You have to strip yourself down to your bare minimums and recognise your naked self as a friend. Take off the garments that are covering up your brilliantly engineered self and confront yourself until you have no choice but to adore this bare self. And then carry on from their.
Step 3: figure out what to wear and get dressed.
Step 4: hair, make-up and other such touch ups (because we want to, not because we have to *pouts*)
These are all metaphoric of cause. Lol. By naked self I do not mean sit and stare at your boobs, butt, thighs and other physical glories. I meeeeaan, pull a SWOT analysis on yourself.
Explore the areas of your metaphysical self that have been awarded to you as the features and extra features of the model that is you. You have everything you want, everything you need. It was built into you already. I am convinced that the things we yearn for most are the things that heaven is trying to tell us we need to unleash.
It's as if heaven waits for us to start talking trash about how our laptop isn't working and it's broken, and its useless and if we could just get a new one we'd be better of... Just so God can say, did you switch the power on at the plug? And then we realise "oh...oops". Lol. So u see, even if it were a different laptop it still wouldn't work, because it's not the laptop that is the problem. It its the lack of a flow of electrical energy (or whatever the sciency, electricy people would call it, lol).
Being someone else and having new things is not going to make your demons disappear. You have to actually root them out and confront them.
Switch yourself on first, then explore your model.
You know that feeling when you discover that your phone can do something that you had no idea was even possible?
I shall remind you of that feeling... *clears throat*...
*gasps* "Whaaaat?! That's insane! It's amazing. This is going to make my life so much easier".
Remember it now?... Yes. That's what it feels like when you identify you special features. Lol.
I'm not done with this lovely journey, but I'm on track (I think, lol). And there's something about knowing that you're at least moving in the righ t direction that makes the effort worth it.
Feel and give love. Start with you. *cliche podium*
Hmmm?
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Dear future husband
I have often said that I would like to end up with "someone who will love me for me"... And I swore by it. But I recently read something along the lines of "God doesn't love us because of who we are. God loves us because of who He is".
Whether or not we understand it, receive it, acknowledge it or agree with it. His love remains unchanged. His love stays moving, whether or not we choose to be a part of this journey. We remain His creation, therefore we remain His own, even when we are not functioning at our best. His love is not dependent on our co-operation. It is in our best interest to co-operate, but His love is not waiting for us to co-operate in order for it to breathe. This love is too powerful to depend on "understanding". We have no idea!!
I choose to believe that because God created us (specifically and perfectly), we are all his signature thumb prints. Therefore, He exists in all of us. Therefore, it is an insult to let this thumb print to it's love be ordered by anything or anyone that does not remain constant.
So I've changed my mind about what I had wanted before, which is ok because that's what's supposed to happen when you find a better plan,lol. Besides, it was too boxed an idea. I would now like for you to love me as God loves me thank you very much.
Love me not because of who I am, but because of who YOU are.
Here's why...
If you are to get this right...sincerely... You will have to first arrive at a point where you have defined who you are. You will have to have a sophisticated knowledge of self and a conscious love for yourself. This act will require of you to be so in touch with yourself that you cannot be shaken by anyone but God. Leave (plenty of) room for growth and change, yes, but no space for the winds of life to sway you too and fro. Don't stand still, infact, please keep moving, but dear goodness please do not move aimlessly. Do you know what I mean?
Love me on a level that has nothing to do with me. On a level that is not dependent on me. Love me on a level more than me, You know?
I do not want you to base your love for me on who and what I am, because I am not going to be that person forever, if I am, it would be a sure sign that I would not be learning anything. If I am to become better, I am going to need to be able to allow the fires of my journey to mould me and refine me into the art piece I was created to be. Who I am, in fact, who WE are, in and at any given moment, is reserved and limited only to the co-ordinates of that specific space (in less complicated words, do not love me for my bikini, we are not going to be poolside everyday, I hope this makes sense, lol).
Connect with yourself to such an extent, that you feel your existence in everyone you'll meet. That people are but mirrors of parts of ourselves that we may, or may not yet, have confronted.
If you see me as a mirror, I am a reflection of you, therefore you will recognise yourself in me. I want you to see me as an extention of yourself so that you will treat me with the same love, respect, kindness and care that you would yourself...which is why you will be required to have a beautiful relationship with yourself. You cannot love me fully and powerfully, if you have not learnt to love you...fully and powerfully.
Because who I am is not going to be a given constant, I am going to need you to love me more than the boundaries of the moment at present. If you have defined yourself, learned to love yourself, and claimed your journey, and have recognised me as you reflection...I AM YOU and YOU ARE ME. Love me because I AM YOU, YOU who have decided that in your entirety deserves and wants a strong, sincere and genuine exchange of love.
We will be each others mirrors. Our energies will reflect back to each other, through each other.
Do unto me as you would be done to you... This is why I need you to be connected to yourself in love :)
You will not be required to make me the centre of your universe... That's so shallow. It would be far more introcate a connection if our universes flowed freely and naturally in and out through the seams of the quilt that is time. I find it quite daunting the idea of one person putting their entire world on hold to focus on the world of another. This is not why we were created.
We have our own purposes to fulfill. It would be a crime to the divine order if we abandoned these purposes for any one mortal. Let our paths flow into each other that both our paths are merged in order for each purpose to be completed in one journey.
In light of this, you are allowed to feel a little cocky when you call me sexy, lol (haaaaaayyyyy!!!).
Bottom line. I do not want our love to at any given point be defined or confined to that specific moment. It should not be determined by circumstance, but by the spiritual connection that settles in when I am you, and you are me.
The love I am capable of giving you cannot be determined by you and is not going to be dependant on you. You will feel it. You will realise it. You will live in it, but understand, you do not have to pay for it. It is mine. And you are receiving it because you are an extension of me.
I don't want you to love me with all of your heart. That's so limited *rolls eyes*. Lol. Love me with your soul, where there are no boundaries, no labels, no confines of any kind...just pure , wholesome love.
That is all you really owe to the universe, is to fulfill the divine order of "Love one another".
That is the only thing you HAVE to do. When you get this right, everything that was intended to accompany this sentiment will naturally fall into its place. Operative word NATURALLY.
Can we please not put unnecessary pressure on this love. Let's just let this love flow. It will go where it needs to go, it knows what to do, it's been ordered by the heavens. It knows its instruction, and that instruction is not limited to the perception of any human. Love is bigger than us. It would make no sense to try to control and navigate an emotion this powerful.
LOVE ME EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE ME.
We are not establishing a "patnership" that's so silly. We are Merging! That's where the force is at. Lol
Remember again, one last time...
I am to be an extension of you as you will an extension of me. We will flow into each other, naturally and freely. We will connect at a level stronger than the physical, more than the moment, and deeper than anything we've ever know. We will connect in a whole other realm. We will connect divinely. Our love will have nothing to do with the institutions of this world. It is your energy that I'm interested in experiencing. I'm big on feelings like that, lol.
We will love each other in ways that inspire each other to keep loving stronger and better, but without any pressure, purely free.
If you can see yourself as God see's you and you recognise me as yourself (and I in turn do the same) we will be living a love that surpasses all understanding.
We'll figure the rest out as we go.
Signed Sincerely
Your missing rib, Theri.
Whether or not we understand it, receive it, acknowledge it or agree with it. His love remains unchanged. His love stays moving, whether or not we choose to be a part of this journey. We remain His creation, therefore we remain His own, even when we are not functioning at our best. His love is not dependent on our co-operation. It is in our best interest to co-operate, but His love is not waiting for us to co-operate in order for it to breathe. This love is too powerful to depend on "understanding". We have no idea!!
I choose to believe that because God created us (specifically and perfectly), we are all his signature thumb prints. Therefore, He exists in all of us. Therefore, it is an insult to let this thumb print to it's love be ordered by anything or anyone that does not remain constant.
So I've changed my mind about what I had wanted before, which is ok because that's what's supposed to happen when you find a better plan,lol. Besides, it was too boxed an idea. I would now like for you to love me as God loves me thank you very much.
Love me not because of who I am, but because of who YOU are.
Here's why...
If you are to get this right...sincerely... You will have to first arrive at a point where you have defined who you are. You will have to have a sophisticated knowledge of self and a conscious love for yourself. This act will require of you to be so in touch with yourself that you cannot be shaken by anyone but God. Leave (plenty of) room for growth and change, yes, but no space for the winds of life to sway you too and fro. Don't stand still, infact, please keep moving, but dear goodness please do not move aimlessly. Do you know what I mean?
Love me on a level that has nothing to do with me. On a level that is not dependent on me. Love me on a level more than me, You know?
I do not want you to base your love for me on who and what I am, because I am not going to be that person forever, if I am, it would be a sure sign that I would not be learning anything. If I am to become better, I am going to need to be able to allow the fires of my journey to mould me and refine me into the art piece I was created to be. Who I am, in fact, who WE are, in and at any given moment, is reserved and limited only to the co-ordinates of that specific space (in less complicated words, do not love me for my bikini, we are not going to be poolside everyday, I hope this makes sense, lol).
Connect with yourself to such an extent, that you feel your existence in everyone you'll meet. That people are but mirrors of parts of ourselves that we may, or may not yet, have confronted.
If you see me as a mirror, I am a reflection of you, therefore you will recognise yourself in me. I want you to see me as an extention of yourself so that you will treat me with the same love, respect, kindness and care that you would yourself...which is why you will be required to have a beautiful relationship with yourself. You cannot love me fully and powerfully, if you have not learnt to love you...fully and powerfully.
Because who I am is not going to be a given constant, I am going to need you to love me more than the boundaries of the moment at present. If you have defined yourself, learned to love yourself, and claimed your journey, and have recognised me as you reflection...I AM YOU and YOU ARE ME. Love me because I AM YOU, YOU who have decided that in your entirety deserves and wants a strong, sincere and genuine exchange of love.
We will be each others mirrors. Our energies will reflect back to each other, through each other.
Do unto me as you would be done to you... This is why I need you to be connected to yourself in love :)
You will not be required to make me the centre of your universe... That's so shallow. It would be far more introcate a connection if our universes flowed freely and naturally in and out through the seams of the quilt that is time. I find it quite daunting the idea of one person putting their entire world on hold to focus on the world of another. This is not why we were created.
We have our own purposes to fulfill. It would be a crime to the divine order if we abandoned these purposes for any one mortal. Let our paths flow into each other that both our paths are merged in order for each purpose to be completed in one journey.
In light of this, you are allowed to feel a little cocky when you call me sexy, lol (haaaaaayyyyy!!!).
Bottom line. I do not want our love to at any given point be defined or confined to that specific moment. It should not be determined by circumstance, but by the spiritual connection that settles in when I am you, and you are me.
The love I am capable of giving you cannot be determined by you and is not going to be dependant on you. You will feel it. You will realise it. You will live in it, but understand, you do not have to pay for it. It is mine. And you are receiving it because you are an extension of me.
I don't want you to love me with all of your heart. That's so limited *rolls eyes*. Lol. Love me with your soul, where there are no boundaries, no labels, no confines of any kind...just pure , wholesome love.
That is all you really owe to the universe, is to fulfill the divine order of "Love one another".
That is the only thing you HAVE to do. When you get this right, everything that was intended to accompany this sentiment will naturally fall into its place. Operative word NATURALLY.
Can we please not put unnecessary pressure on this love. Let's just let this love flow. It will go where it needs to go, it knows what to do, it's been ordered by the heavens. It knows its instruction, and that instruction is not limited to the perception of any human. Love is bigger than us. It would make no sense to try to control and navigate an emotion this powerful.
LOVE ME EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE ME.
We are not establishing a "patnership" that's so silly. We are Merging! That's where the force is at. Lol
Remember again, one last time...
I am to be an extension of you as you will an extension of me. We will flow into each other, naturally and freely. We will connect at a level stronger than the physical, more than the moment, and deeper than anything we've ever know. We will connect in a whole other realm. We will connect divinely. Our love will have nothing to do with the institutions of this world. It is your energy that I'm interested in experiencing. I'm big on feelings like that, lol.
We will love each other in ways that inspire each other to keep loving stronger and better, but without any pressure, purely free.
If you can see yourself as God see's you and you recognise me as yourself (and I in turn do the same) we will be living a love that surpasses all understanding.
We'll figure the rest out as we go.
Signed Sincerely
Your missing rib, Theri.
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Sunday afternoon
So on Sunday right...the day I was supposed to blog but I didn't... I had an awesome day (LOL)
I made a wild mushroom risotto, with extra parmesan (I love cheese) and I baked a triple chocolate cake...FOR MYSELF! And I had a thick slice with whipped cream... I made meringues and had one with berries and a berry sauce. This doesn't quite sound like the ideal sitting for a lady "tryna be healthy" but I figure the wild mushrooms and the berries could be worth a few points... The meringue is egg whites so ... *shrugs*
Anyway, there I was, home alone, with a thick slice of heavenly goodness, a gorgeous cloud of (moderately) crunchy exterior and chewy centred meringue crowned in berries (the meringue...not me)...washed it all down with red wine (nyummy)... This was my space, my pocket of alone time...my "me minute"... I put pen to paper and I smiled.
You'd think I would've gotten all dolled up to match my cute lady meal...but I wasn't...I was in board shorts and a golf shirt...and morning slippers. (I'm describing the scene in detail because I think it helps to know the calmness and freedom of my Sunday when I returned to speaking to myself...I can understand how that last bit might sound concerning, but I'm sane I swear, lol)
It started out in my mind, and by "it", I mean the conversation I had with myself, lol... Anyhow, it started in my mind where it stayed for quite some time as I munched away on my delightful snacks under the carport... Until eventually out of nowhere I just blurted "and how's that working for you miss thing?"...
Oh really Theri?... Did you really just Dr. Phil yourself?!
It's funny how much you learn about yourself by trying to explain to yourself how there's nothing you need to be learning about yourself...did that even make sense.
I put myself in court defending myself...from myself (I maintain...I'm perfectly fine, lol) and I was shocked how much I kept returning to making excuses for myself. It was quite interesting learning that though I am stubborn, as of late, I doubt anyone could even guess it...dear goodness, I've been a push-over.
I've been putting off using these words "I don't want to".
And as the meringue crumbled in my hand and that jam-like sauce treacled down my fingers...I said..."No"... I'm not quite sure if I said that to my meringue, or if I had subconsciously caught myself drifting into that space where I start to feel like the the universe had conspired to get me to the point of not being liberal enough to just say "I don't want to" (lol) and I was now disciplining my thoughts of pitty.
You know that feeling when you realise you've been nurturing a feeling that you technically stopped feeling a very long time ago, but you forgot to give yourself the memo that you were over it? (This is a rhetorical question, before any bright bulb sarcastically answers in the comfort of their own thoughts and gives a dismissing "uhhmm how bout NO?"...stop that)
Well, then you realise you've been living the role of a character that you killed off a while ago. You've been housing, paying, feeding and supporting an actor who no longer needs to be on set because they've done their work and served their purpose. YOU'VE BEEN HAD!... BY YOURSELF! (Gosh darnit!)
And the bulb switches on... If its not necessary and it's not particularly significant... What's the point of keeping it company? I forgot to put out the memo to my accountant that the feeling was no longer with us, therefore, we need not allocate resources to fund its stay.
And as a result, this feeling has been receiving a pay-cheque...even though it is no longer employed. And you know it's not going to come forward and expose itself...NEVER!
I picked up my pen and I wrote at the top of the page... " That'll be all thank you"... That was the title...and 2 and a half pages later I arrived again at "So that'll be all thank you". It's how I started and it's how I finished.
I was venting like a mad woman, lol. In a letter that will never be delivered. And then I burnt it (yes I did just say I burnt it)...it had served its purpose. It housed the words that I needed to say, but I wouldn't dare say them out loud. And now I had said them...to myself... And I was done with them...that'll be all thank you. Lol.
It is important for one to free ones self.
And the universe is always as it should be... There are people, feelings and events, that travel into our spaces, serve the purpose and leave...others' purpose is to stay, and others' purpose is to let us know that we have not visited our drawing boards in too long a time and now we're drifting around without an actual plan. And others are just nice to look at, lol. And eventually, somehow, things always fall into the space where they belong, and I've learnt...Theri, release!!! Trust!!!... That all is as it should be, therefore feel everything, live everything, be everything that whatever space you are in requires that you feel, live and be.
I always say this to friends, "take time to let your heart feel whatever it needs to feel, so it can be done with it already" I preach this...but I don't readily practise it (sorry guys, we're all guilty of this trend).
For the past couple of days... I have been feeling...and it has made me smile to learn that heaven works in my best interest, PERIOD! And its been lovely seeing and experiencing, noting and agreeing with, the pieces of puzzle that I have been gripping onto so hard... Now beautifully falling into place. When I say "ok...*sighs*...I'm open to letting go" something happens that feels like heaven is giving me that reassuring wink. *insert warm and fuzzy feelings here*
The puzzle falls into place...and I smile uncontrollably.
That'll be all thank you (^^,)
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
I made a wild mushroom risotto, with extra parmesan (I love cheese) and I baked a triple chocolate cake...FOR MYSELF! And I had a thick slice with whipped cream... I made meringues and had one with berries and a berry sauce. This doesn't quite sound like the ideal sitting for a lady "tryna be healthy" but I figure the wild mushrooms and the berries could be worth a few points... The meringue is egg whites so ... *shrugs*
Anyway, there I was, home alone, with a thick slice of heavenly goodness, a gorgeous cloud of (moderately) crunchy exterior and chewy centred meringue crowned in berries (the meringue...not me)...washed it all down with red wine (nyummy)... This was my space, my pocket of alone time...my "me minute"... I put pen to paper and I smiled.
You'd think I would've gotten all dolled up to match my cute lady meal...but I wasn't...I was in board shorts and a golf shirt...and morning slippers. (I'm describing the scene in detail because I think it helps to know the calmness and freedom of my Sunday when I returned to speaking to myself...I can understand how that last bit might sound concerning, but I'm sane I swear, lol)
It started out in my mind, and by "it", I mean the conversation I had with myself, lol... Anyhow, it started in my mind where it stayed for quite some time as I munched away on my delightful snacks under the carport... Until eventually out of nowhere I just blurted "and how's that working for you miss thing?"...
Oh really Theri?... Did you really just Dr. Phil yourself?!
It's funny how much you learn about yourself by trying to explain to yourself how there's nothing you need to be learning about yourself...did that even make sense.
I put myself in court defending myself...from myself (I maintain...I'm perfectly fine, lol) and I was shocked how much I kept returning to making excuses for myself. It was quite interesting learning that though I am stubborn, as of late, I doubt anyone could even guess it...dear goodness, I've been a push-over.
I've been putting off using these words "I don't want to".
And as the meringue crumbled in my hand and that jam-like sauce treacled down my fingers...I said..."No"... I'm not quite sure if I said that to my meringue, or if I had subconsciously caught myself drifting into that space where I start to feel like the the universe had conspired to get me to the point of not being liberal enough to just say "I don't want to" (lol) and I was now disciplining my thoughts of pitty.
You know that feeling when you realise you've been nurturing a feeling that you technically stopped feeling a very long time ago, but you forgot to give yourself the memo that you were over it? (This is a rhetorical question, before any bright bulb sarcastically answers in the comfort of their own thoughts and gives a dismissing "uhhmm how bout NO?"...stop that)
Well, then you realise you've been living the role of a character that you killed off a while ago. You've been housing, paying, feeding and supporting an actor who no longer needs to be on set because they've done their work and served their purpose. YOU'VE BEEN HAD!... BY YOURSELF! (Gosh darnit!)
And the bulb switches on... If its not necessary and it's not particularly significant... What's the point of keeping it company? I forgot to put out the memo to my accountant that the feeling was no longer with us, therefore, we need not allocate resources to fund its stay.
And as a result, this feeling has been receiving a pay-cheque...even though it is no longer employed. And you know it's not going to come forward and expose itself...NEVER!
I picked up my pen and I wrote at the top of the page... " That'll be all thank you"... That was the title...and 2 and a half pages later I arrived again at "So that'll be all thank you". It's how I started and it's how I finished.
I was venting like a mad woman, lol. In a letter that will never be delivered. And then I burnt it (yes I did just say I burnt it)...it had served its purpose. It housed the words that I needed to say, but I wouldn't dare say them out loud. And now I had said them...to myself... And I was done with them...that'll be all thank you. Lol.
It is important for one to free ones self.
And the universe is always as it should be... There are people, feelings and events, that travel into our spaces, serve the purpose and leave...others' purpose is to stay, and others' purpose is to let us know that we have not visited our drawing boards in too long a time and now we're drifting around without an actual plan. And others are just nice to look at, lol. And eventually, somehow, things always fall into the space where they belong, and I've learnt...Theri, release!!! Trust!!!... That all is as it should be, therefore feel everything, live everything, be everything that whatever space you are in requires that you feel, live and be.
I always say this to friends, "take time to let your heart feel whatever it needs to feel, so it can be done with it already" I preach this...but I don't readily practise it (sorry guys, we're all guilty of this trend).
For the past couple of days... I have been feeling...and it has made me smile to learn that heaven works in my best interest, PERIOD! And its been lovely seeing and experiencing, noting and agreeing with, the pieces of puzzle that I have been gripping onto so hard... Now beautifully falling into place. When I say "ok...*sighs*...I'm open to letting go" something happens that feels like heaven is giving me that reassuring wink. *insert warm and fuzzy feelings here*
The puzzle falls into place...and I smile uncontrollably.
That'll be all thank you (^^,)
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
Another again
Ok so here's the deal though...YOU CANNOT SAVE PEOPLE...FROM THEMSELVES. Not even if the attempt to relieve someone of suffering is coming from the healthiest part of your medulla oblongata. Ok, perhaps "suffering" is a bit of an over statement, but I'm pretty sure if someone kept experiencing blows from the exact same disappointment, at some point, it would result in horrendous suffering...would it not? But enough with the technicalities...here's my point... The thing about being protective is that you somehow always end up being so objective that it starts to seem, somewhat, debatably subjective. Though I'd like to believe that I am more than capable of managing the two and remaining true to whichever one is called onto the advisory forum, the truth is, that I honestly do not think it is ever possible to remain entirely firm on either one...when the subject in question is a loved one. Anytime anyone you hold dear to your heart asks for "advice", I think you have to be extremely talented to stay completely objective, without trying to manipulate you recommendation to work for a result that stands in favour of the dear in question. Now a word on advice... there is no law that states that you absolutely have to do everything that I SUGGEST you do (actually in my book I've seen that law a million times, but it has come to my attention in recent years that we are not all reading the same book, LOL, I kid *actually I don't but whatever*) anyway...when I give this advice, how I expect you to receive it is this... I'm telling you what I THINK I would do if I ever found myself in that situation. I am not telling you what YOU definitely SHOULD do now that you're actually in this situation. What you're supposed to do is pit this against what you think should be done, just in case I have something to say that you may not necessarily have thought of, and you think it's worth considering. What you ultimately decide, should be what works FOR YOU! Here's where the problem comes in... WHEN YOU TAKE TOO LONG TO TAP INTO YOUR SUPERPOWERS AND REALISE HOW ABSOLUTELY AMAZING YOU ARE...HOW ABSOLUTELY AMAZING YOU COULD BE!!!!!! This is where I forget that it is not my place to teach you this, I can only assist, but it is your duty 9to yourself) to learn this lesson. Sometimes to let someone "crash" is the best way to love them...sometimes to let someone's heart rip apart is the best way to tell them that they are strong (because they will have to learn that from rebuilding this precious vessel), sometimes (and only sometimes, LOL) you have to let someone learn these lessons the hard way. There will come times where your attempts to shield a person from disappointment, will simultaneously be attempts to shield them from their lessons. And then we get shocked why they keep ending up at the EXACT same place, not realising that it is because we robbed them of their lesson, and they really need this lesson so they can contribute to their "bigger picture", therefore, heaven won't let them move forward until they have picked up all the tools they need for the next step. DARN IT!!! How easy it is to smother someone that it happens without you even realising that you are doing it... smothering is a ninja! But we are modest, so we are not going to take ALL the credit for growth hindered. YOU HAVE TO LET PEOPLE LEARN! YOU HAVE TO STEP ASIDE (SOMETIMES) AND LET THEM GO THROUGH THEIR FIRES! YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO LET THEM GROW! Somewhere in all of this, preciouses and dears and loves and sweetheart are to be responsible for their own situations. And if, on their part they are not ready to move in their own favour, you cannot protect them from their habits, you cannot shield them from their toxic thoughts, and you cannot save them from themselves. I love the people that the good Lord has blessed my world with, I appreciate their existence and I include them in my prayers.... and it is with the purest and most sincere love in my heart, that I am to allow them their growth, their strength and their liberty and independence. I had announced the president (me) would be resigning...and this is a further indication that I truly am stepping down (such a long exit, whoooo! Shem). I just had to specify, that IT IS WITH LOVE that I am giving up this position. *Madiba voice* I THANK YOU. |
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
By "President" I mean "ME"
It's funny how things work out though... Its strange how the unveiling of one little factor, one point, one truth, one admission, one...what's another word? Uhhhmm...discovery!...yes that sounds just about right...one discovery, can change just about every opinion, every thought, every thing.
My years in the "care taker" role have left me under the illusion that I am "needed"... A sad discovery for a brooding young lady, lol. the reality is though that it is not in every situation, conversation or decision that my "care"...my "sensible words"...my "ear" is NEEDED... And seriously...it can never be that way, I mean, that's just not how the world works...for anyone. Alas *sighs*... Superwoman is human afterall.
And that's been my biscuit and tea for the week (I have somehow started referring to "points to ponder" and "thoughts" as "biscuits and tea"...I don't know why...there is absolutely no way for me to explain how I landed at this... But it sounds kind of sophisticated I think, lol, "biscuits and tea"), I have had to sit down with myself and admit that I too (lovely as I am) am no different from everyone around me, in the basic sense. I AM HUMAN.
I hurt, I love, I laugh, I pain... I FEEL.
That last bit "I FEEL" is something I have battled to admit for a long time. I let everyone else admit it, and tend to everyones feelings, but never to my own. I am always in a hurry to make sure that everyone is "not offended" or "disappointed" or "sad"...and I seldomly tend to myself with the same readiness, the same urgency, the same care.
I have FELT guilty, I have felt OFFENDED, I have FELT stranded...but I have also FELT joy, I have also FELT relief, I have also FELT wanted. What a colourful spectrum of emotions this week passed has brought...so Theri what did you do last week... I LET MYSELF FEEL *exhales*...(*sings* but there comes a point wheeeen...you will exhale -yeah yeah- saaaaay: shooop shoop shoop...lol, I'll get help for that).
But!!!!
I have been meditating... I quite like the idea of stillness, of smiling and of breathing...all in unison. And I have decided it would be best to STOP FIGHTING. It is immensely tiring to go to war and fight in everyones battles. It's a heavy task trying to keep everyones lives in balance, not to mention...very stressful.
And I have no-one to blame but myself for this. I've just realised (and by "just" I mean it's taken years to come to this realisation, but nevertheless, I am here, lol)... Anyway, I have JUST realised, that no-one has actually ASKED me to fight for them, to balance their worlds and to be the gate keeper in their lives. I have been subconsciously VOLUNTEERING to put "me" on hold...to take care of "all".
*say whaaaaaaaaat?* so it might come as a relief to them who have been affected by my appointing myself president of the world (though I seriously hope they will be disappointed... I pray they will be sad for I have a deep need to be needed and if everyone is ok with this or , heaven forbid, glad... I 'd be CRUSHED! Devastated even, lol) that I am stepping down from this position (I do fear though that they may not be able to survive if I stepped down...there may be war and famine and chaos if I leave...oh who am I kidding!)...but that is it though... My informal resignation *whoooossssaaaaahhh*
I've been excersizing too...that's going well... Some days I don't want to, but i force myself to do it (except saturday and sunday... I don't work on weekends *pouts*)
A word on exercise:
I HATE EXERCISE!... But I LOVE FOOD more than I hate exercise, so love overpowers hate (as with all things) and therefore, to allow myself to relish in this love... I shall conquer the hate *sighs*.
So from this all... Going forth... My plan (that I have just decided on...and this time I mean "just" the real just as in now now, typing this out) I am going to fulfill my duties and my responsibilities to SELF!... I have back pays in love worth paying up. Lol. I love me and I love you all (but I am no longer president, lol) *kisses*
My years in the "care taker" role have left me under the illusion that I am "needed"... A sad discovery for a brooding young lady, lol. the reality is though that it is not in every situation, conversation or decision that my "care"...my "sensible words"...my "ear" is NEEDED... And seriously...it can never be that way, I mean, that's just not how the world works...for anyone. Alas *sighs*... Superwoman is human afterall.
And that's been my biscuit and tea for the week (I have somehow started referring to "points to ponder" and "thoughts" as "biscuits and tea"...I don't know why...there is absolutely no way for me to explain how I landed at this... But it sounds kind of sophisticated I think, lol, "biscuits and tea"), I have had to sit down with myself and admit that I too (lovely as I am) am no different from everyone around me, in the basic sense. I AM HUMAN.
I hurt, I love, I laugh, I pain... I FEEL.
That last bit "I FEEL" is something I have battled to admit for a long time. I let everyone else admit it, and tend to everyones feelings, but never to my own. I am always in a hurry to make sure that everyone is "not offended" or "disappointed" or "sad"...and I seldomly tend to myself with the same readiness, the same urgency, the same care.
I have FELT guilty, I have felt OFFENDED, I have FELT stranded...but I have also FELT joy, I have also FELT relief, I have also FELT wanted. What a colourful spectrum of emotions this week passed has brought...so Theri what did you do last week... I LET MYSELF FEEL *exhales*...(*sings* but there comes a point wheeeen...you will exhale -yeah yeah- saaaaay: shooop shoop shoop...lol, I'll get help for that).
But!!!!
I have been meditating... I quite like the idea of stillness, of smiling and of breathing...all in unison. And I have decided it would be best to STOP FIGHTING. It is immensely tiring to go to war and fight in everyones battles. It's a heavy task trying to keep everyones lives in balance, not to mention...very stressful.
And I have no-one to blame but myself for this. I've just realised (and by "just" I mean it's taken years to come to this realisation, but nevertheless, I am here, lol)... Anyway, I have JUST realised, that no-one has actually ASKED me to fight for them, to balance their worlds and to be the gate keeper in their lives. I have been subconsciously VOLUNTEERING to put "me" on hold...to take care of "all".
*say whaaaaaaaaat?* so it might come as a relief to them who have been affected by my appointing myself president of the world (though I seriously hope they will be disappointed... I pray they will be sad for I have a deep need to be needed and if everyone is ok with this or , heaven forbid, glad... I 'd be CRUSHED! Devastated even, lol) that I am stepping down from this position (I do fear though that they may not be able to survive if I stepped down...there may be war and famine and chaos if I leave...oh who am I kidding!)...but that is it though... My informal resignation *whoooossssaaaaahhh*
I've been excersizing too...that's going well... Some days I don't want to, but i force myself to do it (except saturday and sunday... I don't work on weekends *pouts*)
A word on exercise:
I HATE EXERCISE!... But I LOVE FOOD more than I hate exercise, so love overpowers hate (as with all things) and therefore, to allow myself to relish in this love... I shall conquer the hate *sighs*.
So from this all... Going forth... My plan (that I have just decided on...and this time I mean "just" the real just as in now now, typing this out) I am going to fulfill my duties and my responsibilities to SELF!... I have back pays in love worth paying up. Lol. I love me and I love you all (but I am no longer president, lol) *kisses*
Coach Yourself to live well...words by Fiona Harrold.
"When the going gets tough and the pressure's on, its not necessarily the talented ones who rise to the challenge, it's the one's who love themselves.
Liking yourself and feeling you deserve a great life is absolutely fundamental to your success. In fact, you could even be living a great life but, because you don't like yourself enough, you'll feel unable to enjoy it and make the most of it. The more you see yourself as a good person, the more powerful you become and the more you're a force for good in the world. And the world needs good people. Secondly, good people deserve to live the best possible life. They've earned it. Good people are the most likely to dislike themselves. The reason for this is that they desire to do good, to do the right thing, to cause no harm or suffering to another living being.
Your sense of who you are is overwhelmingly shaped by the individuals around you. You believe what you're told to believe by the authority figures in your life. And, you're trapped in that environment, however gruesome it may be.
And the most bizarre thing is this: it's overwhelmingly the negative input we hold onto and regard as true.
Deep inside of all of us, there's someone we were meant to be. But, too often, we define ourselves by our circumstances and feel great only if things are going well. If life goes badly, we feel worthless or look to other things or people or the "perfect" job to define us and prop up our self-esteem. We discover our true identities by finding out what we want -or don't want- to do.
Unless you've consciously detoxed your mind, then assume you have impacted waste material festering away in your psyche, the result of years upon years of accumulated junk messages absorbed by you from the outset. In order for you to feel clean and wholesome, you have to root this out. The alternative is to live with chronic, low-level uncertainty about yourself. Undermining your aliveness, your personal power and effectiveness in the world.
LOVE YOU!
Right here, right now, make the decision to appreciate yourself more, give credit where its due, talk yourself up. Cultivate kindness, compassion and respect - FOR YOU! Face the truth: you came into this world on your own and you will leave it on your own. At some time in between, it makes sense to get comfortable with yourself. It's your life. Answer to yourself, hold yourself accountable...start on that NOW!
Don't ever demean yourself in public or private. Drop all false modesty. Speak only well of yourself. Exude self-confidence.
CHANGE THE RECORD!
Whose opinions and thoughts are stuck in your mind? If they're not yours, don't hold onto them. You're a grown-up now. You can think your own thoughts, you can choose what to give room to. It doesn't matter how long some stuff has been there: if it's toxic, get rid of it. Only you get to decide what to believe about yourself. You're a work in progress. Be yourself. Be whoever you like. You decide, then live it.
Liking yourself is your birthright. Maintaining it requires momentum. Continually give yourself good reasons to like yourself. Remind yourself who you really are. Be everything you desire and admire in others.
Spoil yourself. Spend some quality time with you. Chill out with your new best friend - YOU!
Discover your hidden depths, your likes and dislikes, entertain yourself. If you don't find yourself good company, how can others?
You'll give off a far better air about yourself if you pay attention to grooming.
Grooming speaks volumes. Look immaculate. Smell divine. Wear great underwear. Get "THE LOOK."
Appearances matter. Don't look neglected. If you don't have pride, nobody can give it to you. Make yourself downright irresistible. Judging by your own standards, you're fabulous, always compelling, immensely likeable, utterly loveable.
MOTIVATION!
Motivation is the master key to all success. You achieve little without it. It's the engine, the pump room of your desires, dreams and ambitions. It's the bridge between passion and action. You won't go far without it. Its good, it's destructive, it's powerful, its whatever you make it. Motivated people bring a certain urgency to the table, to their own lives and everyone else's. The power of motivation is undisputable."
Liking yourself and feeling you deserve a great life is absolutely fundamental to your success. In fact, you could even be living a great life but, because you don't like yourself enough, you'll feel unable to enjoy it and make the most of it. The more you see yourself as a good person, the more powerful you become and the more you're a force for good in the world. And the world needs good people. Secondly, good people deserve to live the best possible life. They've earned it. Good people are the most likely to dislike themselves. The reason for this is that they desire to do good, to do the right thing, to cause no harm or suffering to another living being.
Your sense of who you are is overwhelmingly shaped by the individuals around you. You believe what you're told to believe by the authority figures in your life. And, you're trapped in that environment, however gruesome it may be.
And the most bizarre thing is this: it's overwhelmingly the negative input we hold onto and regard as true.
Deep inside of all of us, there's someone we were meant to be. But, too often, we define ourselves by our circumstances and feel great only if things are going well. If life goes badly, we feel worthless or look to other things or people or the "perfect" job to define us and prop up our self-esteem. We discover our true identities by finding out what we want -or don't want- to do.
Unless you've consciously detoxed your mind, then assume you have impacted waste material festering away in your psyche, the result of years upon years of accumulated junk messages absorbed by you from the outset. In order for you to feel clean and wholesome, you have to root this out. The alternative is to live with chronic, low-level uncertainty about yourself. Undermining your aliveness, your personal power and effectiveness in the world.
LOVE YOU!
Right here, right now, make the decision to appreciate yourself more, give credit where its due, talk yourself up. Cultivate kindness, compassion and respect - FOR YOU! Face the truth: you came into this world on your own and you will leave it on your own. At some time in between, it makes sense to get comfortable with yourself. It's your life. Answer to yourself, hold yourself accountable...start on that NOW!
Don't ever demean yourself in public or private. Drop all false modesty. Speak only well of yourself. Exude self-confidence.
CHANGE THE RECORD!
Whose opinions and thoughts are stuck in your mind? If they're not yours, don't hold onto them. You're a grown-up now. You can think your own thoughts, you can choose what to give room to. It doesn't matter how long some stuff has been there: if it's toxic, get rid of it. Only you get to decide what to believe about yourself. You're a work in progress. Be yourself. Be whoever you like. You decide, then live it.
Liking yourself is your birthright. Maintaining it requires momentum. Continually give yourself good reasons to like yourself. Remind yourself who you really are. Be everything you desire and admire in others.
Spoil yourself. Spend some quality time with you. Chill out with your new best friend - YOU!
Discover your hidden depths, your likes and dislikes, entertain yourself. If you don't find yourself good company, how can others?
You'll give off a far better air about yourself if you pay attention to grooming.
Grooming speaks volumes. Look immaculate. Smell divine. Wear great underwear. Get "THE LOOK."
Appearances matter. Don't look neglected. If you don't have pride, nobody can give it to you. Make yourself downright irresistible. Judging by your own standards, you're fabulous, always compelling, immensely likeable, utterly loveable.
MOTIVATION!
Motivation is the master key to all success. You achieve little without it. It's the engine, the pump room of your desires, dreams and ambitions. It's the bridge between passion and action. You won't go far without it. Its good, it's destructive, it's powerful, its whatever you make it. Motivated people bring a certain urgency to the table, to their own lives and everyone else's. The power of motivation is undisputable."
Dr Oz's 25 tips to weight loss.
1.Automate your eating by planning your meals ahead of time. That way you're less likely to make an unhealthy last-minute food choice.
2.Oats are your friends! Eating a cup of oatmeal in the morning will prevent you from gorging in the afternoon.
3.Foods with healthy fats such as olives, salmon and walnuts help you feel satisfied.
4.Skipping meals can cause your body to go into a fat-storing starvation mode, making it harder to burn calories.
5.Got nuts with nuts. Eating a handful of nuts will help you stay full. Try soaking them in water for a different texture.
6.Use meditation to help you cope with chronic stress, which can lead you to crave feel-good carbs.
7.You may be used to fried foods but there are other, sometimes healthier, ways to cook including: roasting, steaming, poaching, baking, braising and broiling.
8.Do your grocery shopping with a list and a time limit; that way, you're less likely to stray into the processed foods section.
9.Don't confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water when you feel hungry to see if that's what you're really craving.
10.When out at a restaurant, ask the server to hold the bread, snack mix or chips and salsa that might come before the meal. If you're hungry, you'll be tempted.
11.Tired of eating your salad on a plate? Fill a whole wheat pita with salad and a splash of lemon for a twist.
12.You might do better to replace an occasional dinner with a nice roll in the hay. Healthy sex may help control the amount of food you eat and it's great exercise.
13.Create emergency packs filled with healthy foods such as nuts, fruits or sliced vegetables to help you avoid unhealthy temptations.
14.Add red pepper flakes to your pantry. When eaten early in the day, red
pepper lowers the amount of food you'll eat later.
15.Odds are you're eating too fast. Try holding a conversation while having a meal so you're not gulping down more than you need to feel full.
16.Take a brisk walk before lunch or dinner. Not only will you get in some exercise, you're less likely to choose something unhealthy after a little movement.
17.Looking for the benefits of salmon but you don't feel comfortable cooking fish? Try canned salmon as a simple and affordable alternative.
18.Are your dishes too big? A healthy dinner should fit on a 9-inch plate. You may find that kid-sized plates are more appropriately sized to feed an adult!
19.Never eat any snack food out of the box, carton or bag it came in. You're less likely to overeat if you separate snacks into appropriate fist-sized servings.
20.Boost your metabolism with some green tea or chili peppers.
21.Get your Zzzzzs. Sleep deprivation alters levels of hormones in the body that regulate hunger, causing an increase in appetite.
22.Muscle burns at least four times as many calories as fat does, so try twenty minutes of strength straining two to three times a week.
23.Decaf coffee is a great low-calorie fluid when you're having cravings (and a great source of antioxidants).
24.Eating liquid-based foods such as natural smoothies and low-sodium soup can help you cut back on calories yet feel full.
25.A pedometer can help keep track of your steps. If you're not getting 10,000 steps a day, you're not moving enough.
2.Oats are your friends! Eating a cup of oatmeal in the morning will prevent you from gorging in the afternoon.
3.Foods with healthy fats such as olives, salmon and walnuts help you feel satisfied.
4.Skipping meals can cause your body to go into a fat-storing starvation mode, making it harder to burn calories.
5.Got nuts with nuts. Eating a handful of nuts will help you stay full. Try soaking them in water for a different texture.
6.Use meditation to help you cope with chronic stress, which can lead you to crave feel-good carbs.
7.You may be used to fried foods but there are other, sometimes healthier, ways to cook including: roasting, steaming, poaching, baking, braising and broiling.
8.Do your grocery shopping with a list and a time limit; that way, you're less likely to stray into the processed foods section.
9.Don't confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water when you feel hungry to see if that's what you're really craving.
10.When out at a restaurant, ask the server to hold the bread, snack mix or chips and salsa that might come before the meal. If you're hungry, you'll be tempted.
11.Tired of eating your salad on a plate? Fill a whole wheat pita with salad and a splash of lemon for a twist.
12.You might do better to replace an occasional dinner with a nice roll in the hay. Healthy sex may help control the amount of food you eat and it's great exercise.
13.Create emergency packs filled with healthy foods such as nuts, fruits or sliced vegetables to help you avoid unhealthy temptations.
14.Add red pepper flakes to your pantry. When eaten early in the day, red
pepper lowers the amount of food you'll eat later.
15.Odds are you're eating too fast. Try holding a conversation while having a meal so you're not gulping down more than you need to feel full.
16.Take a brisk walk before lunch or dinner. Not only will you get in some exercise, you're less likely to choose something unhealthy after a little movement.
17.Looking for the benefits of salmon but you don't feel comfortable cooking fish? Try canned salmon as a simple and affordable alternative.
18.Are your dishes too big? A healthy dinner should fit on a 9-inch plate. You may find that kid-sized plates are more appropriately sized to feed an adult!
19.Never eat any snack food out of the box, carton or bag it came in. You're less likely to overeat if you separate snacks into appropriate fist-sized servings.
20.Boost your metabolism with some green tea or chili peppers.
21.Get your Zzzzzs. Sleep deprivation alters levels of hormones in the body that regulate hunger, causing an increase in appetite.
22.Muscle burns at least four times as many calories as fat does, so try twenty minutes of strength straining two to three times a week.
23.Decaf coffee is a great low-calorie fluid when you're having cravings (and a great source of antioxidants).
24.Eating liquid-based foods such as natural smoothies and low-sodium soup can help you cut back on calories yet feel full.
25.A pedometer can help keep track of your steps. If you're not getting 10,000 steps a day, you're not moving enough.
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Mind those thoughts.
Your thoughts become your actions, we've all heard it. This coming week, my new thing will be meditating. Let's see if we can get these thoughts in check and master our actions.
A word on jumping.
When we trod on grounds built from the residues of disappointment... We walk with care. We move forward with reservations, we make way for the very floors upon which we walk, to capsize without notice... Life experience keeps teaching us the areas of our lives where we cannot afford to be "uninsured" or without security. Strangely enough though, these are also the very same areas that require of us to break free from the constant concern and obsession over the unstable floor. These areas depend on our willingness to have total disregard of the idea of things possibly going wrong. Dilemma much?
In moving through both these spaces - of caution and of "courage"- we GROW.
So this week passed...I have grown a little. Lol.
The scars of disappointment, though very hurtful, build us. They teach us subtle (sometimes extreme) lessons not about the world, and other people...but about ourselves. They highlight the things about ourselves that need to be worked on and the pockets of our reflections that need tweaking. How we handle ourselves in moments of disappointment, and how we recover from them, writes the scripts of our characters.
And it is the strong character that inspires our courage to risk disappointment to win freedom, to win happiness...to GROW!
I do not jump off of cliffs (we're speaking metaphorically... Just in case there are those already squinting at why I would assume that that would even be a natural thing for me to be pointing out. I mean Theri of course you don't jump off of cliffs), I have issues with with not being on solid ground. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything extreme... I'm that girl who feels it is her duty to tend to everyone she holds dear, to cater to anyone I appoint as one of my cherished ones. Look I can't help it, I'm a nurturer at heart...this is just what I do...I nurture. Can I not be judged please. With that said, to me, making a decision to be a little selfish is a big deal for me...I tend to feel very guilty about doing things that benefit no one other than me (I know), but I did it anyway AND IT WAS DELIGHTFUL AND FREEING. I bought a milk tart knowing full well I'm the only one in this place who eats it... No I'm just kidding...it was much bigger than that...it was a chocolate cake...
...No I'm just kidding, lol, it was an actual, serious matter that would later result in someone taking note that I will not be sacrificing any of my smiles for any longer (serious grown bi'nis hehehe).
I jumped, I smiled, I GREW! That should just about some up my emotional state of mind for the week.
Lesson learnt: to allow yourself the luxury of joy, you will have to open to liberating yourself from the routine habits that have crowned you a "push over". By all means, love, give, care and nurture...freely so, but under no means does any of this have to translate into relationships or friendships where you either give OR take as opposed to give AND take. Put your foot down! Let people know that if you are to go above and beyond for them, their failure to appreciate this act WILL result in this privelledge being taken away. BE HAPPY!...IT'S ALLOWED...IT'S VITAL.
In moving through both these spaces - of caution and of "courage"- we GROW.
So this week passed...I have grown a little. Lol.
The scars of disappointment, though very hurtful, build us. They teach us subtle (sometimes extreme) lessons not about the world, and other people...but about ourselves. They highlight the things about ourselves that need to be worked on and the pockets of our reflections that need tweaking. How we handle ourselves in moments of disappointment, and how we recover from them, writes the scripts of our characters.
And it is the strong character that inspires our courage to risk disappointment to win freedom, to win happiness...to GROW!
I do not jump off of cliffs (we're speaking metaphorically... Just in case there are those already squinting at why I would assume that that would even be a natural thing for me to be pointing out. I mean Theri of course you don't jump off of cliffs), I have issues with with not being on solid ground. Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything extreme... I'm that girl who feels it is her duty to tend to everyone she holds dear, to cater to anyone I appoint as one of my cherished ones. Look I can't help it, I'm a nurturer at heart...this is just what I do...I nurture. Can I not be judged please. With that said, to me, making a decision to be a little selfish is a big deal for me...I tend to feel very guilty about doing things that benefit no one other than me (I know), but I did it anyway AND IT WAS DELIGHTFUL AND FREEING. I bought a milk tart knowing full well I'm the only one in this place who eats it... No I'm just kidding...it was much bigger than that...it was a chocolate cake...
...No I'm just kidding, lol, it was an actual, serious matter that would later result in someone taking note that I will not be sacrificing any of my smiles for any longer (serious grown bi'nis hehehe).
I jumped, I smiled, I GREW! That should just about some up my emotional state of mind for the week.
Lesson learnt: to allow yourself the luxury of joy, you will have to open to liberating yourself from the routine habits that have crowned you a "push over". By all means, love, give, care and nurture...freely so, but under no means does any of this have to translate into relationships or friendships where you either give OR take as opposed to give AND take. Put your foot down! Let people know that if you are to go above and beyond for them, their failure to appreciate this act WILL result in this privelledge being taken away. BE HAPPY!...IT'S ALLOWED...IT'S VITAL.
Saturday, 27 August 2011
And so the journey begins.
Well then...
For a while now I 've been throwing around the idea of starting up my own blog (and by "a while" I mean a great part of a week), until I finally decided to jump! And now here I am...the first post.
HELLO!...It seems only fitting that we start with a greeting, after all, it IS considered rude not to acknowledge the presence of others.
A little over a week ago, yours truly decided to (for the second time)courageously embark on the perilous journey of a juice detox and do what no other woman has done all in the name of cleansing and systems renewal *holds hand to forehead*. OK perhaps that is a little dramatic, and not to mention, (overly) exaggerated...but you get my point. I WANTED TO FLUSH THE GUNK OUT MY *fails to find an appropriate word that might rhyme with gunk to make a more catchy phrase, so settles instead on...* BODY.
It worked...it was worth it...but it was unnecessarily frustrating.
To a few friends I wrote:
"I do have to add that I love the idea of giving your body a break and allowing it the time and space of ridding itself of toxins...BUT!... If I had to do it again (which I probably will) I would definately do it a little different... I cannot even begin to explain how seriously I've missed chewing.
*shout out to Nolo, Pascie and Vuyo*
It was this email (that I had such fun typing out mind you) that fuelled the already ignited flame of creating my blog *again with the drama...it's a habbit*
Well that and Neo's blog *shout out to Neo from thee immaculate...haaaay!*
Anyway,I have come to the realisation that if my mission to a healthier self is to be fulfilled...I would HAVE to take a holistic approach to it.
I cannot bear the thought of divorcing the chocolate coated, the three cheese sauced, the deep fried, the cooked to al dente and the chicory roasted (coffee beans). I am not prepared to permanently part with the fizzy, the double creamed or even the "now with added sugar". I cannot fight my fate...my destiny...I am who I am...I am a "does this have an upsize option" kinda gal *please pass the gravy*.
This is the foundation of my blog. How to navigate the spaces between my passionate relationship with food and a healthier me. And finding a comfortable space for me on the quilt that is wellness.
Food choices, exercise, emotional well-being, (this sometimes very complicated) womanhood (thing). Every and any thoughts concerning the different departments of my world will be (shamelessly) noted here...on my blog... My baby.
I hope you all fall in love with my whimsical talk and my colourful thoughts (i'm not one to toot my own horn but TOOT-TA-TOOT-TA-TOOOOT!! lol...I kid). Feel free to leave your views and thoughts and what not's (should that be one word?), share with me what's on your mind every now and again. I would appreciate it.
I'm not really sure how this whole (blog) thing goes...so feedback would help a great deal,Lol.
But,nonetheless... WELCOME TO IT *smiles*
For a while now I 've been throwing around the idea of starting up my own blog (and by "a while" I mean a great part of a week), until I finally decided to jump! And now here I am...the first post.
HELLO!...It seems only fitting that we start with a greeting, after all, it IS considered rude not to acknowledge the presence of others.
A little over a week ago, yours truly decided to (for the second time)courageously embark on the perilous journey of a juice detox and do what no other woman has done all in the name of cleansing and systems renewal *holds hand to forehead*. OK perhaps that is a little dramatic, and not to mention, (overly) exaggerated...but you get my point. I WANTED TO FLUSH THE GUNK OUT MY *fails to find an appropriate word that might rhyme with gunk to make a more catchy phrase, so settles instead on...* BODY.
It worked...it was worth it...but it was unnecessarily frustrating.
To a few friends I wrote:
"I do have to add that I love the idea of giving your body a break and allowing it the time and space of ridding itself of toxins...BUT!... If I had to do it again (which I probably will) I would definately do it a little different... I cannot even begin to explain how seriously I've missed chewing.
*shout out to Nolo, Pascie and Vuyo*
It was this email (that I had such fun typing out mind you) that fuelled the already ignited flame of creating my blog *again with the drama...it's a habbit*
Well that and Neo's blog *shout out to Neo from thee immaculate...haaaay!*
Anyway,I have come to the realisation that if my mission to a healthier self is to be fulfilled...I would HAVE to take a holistic approach to it.
I cannot bear the thought of divorcing the chocolate coated, the three cheese sauced, the deep fried, the cooked to al dente and the chicory roasted (coffee beans). I am not prepared to permanently part with the fizzy, the double creamed or even the "now with added sugar". I cannot fight my fate...my destiny...I am who I am...I am a "does this have an upsize option" kinda gal *please pass the gravy*.
This is the foundation of my blog. How to navigate the spaces between my passionate relationship with food and a healthier me. And finding a comfortable space for me on the quilt that is wellness.
Food choices, exercise, emotional well-being, (this sometimes very complicated) womanhood (thing). Every and any thoughts concerning the different departments of my world will be (shamelessly) noted here...on my blog... My baby.
I hope you all fall in love with my whimsical talk and my colourful thoughts (i'm not one to toot my own horn but TOOT-TA-TOOT-TA-TOOOOT!! lol...I kid). Feel free to leave your views and thoughts and what not's (should that be one word?), share with me what's on your mind every now and again. I would appreciate it.
I'm not really sure how this whole (blog) thing goes...so feedback would help a great deal,Lol.
But,nonetheless... WELCOME TO IT *smiles*
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