a sisterhood.

When you have lunch with an old friend whom you used to be so close to, if not inseparable from, and ten minutes into the meeting,

Before the food even arrives… you have run out of things to talk about and you’re left in the awkward moment of having to grab onto any old memory you can possibly think of and hope you can stretch it out long enough to cover a decent portion of the clock’s strokes and even the laughter requires effort… YOU HAVE GROWN and possibly, outgrown each other.

I haven’t put finger to keyboard in a little while (actually quite a while but ok) I feel like I should back up and reintroduce myself… but I won’t…I’m not in the mood. I am however in a decent enough mood to apologise for my absence. I love how I say that as though your lives were on hold and your worlds came to a stand still because this blog affects you all so deeply, lol. Again with the drama, you know the drill. But no really, I haven’t talked to my peoples in a while and I’m sorry. Now that that’s done, let’s carry on shall we?

I sat down in a restaurant to catch up with a friend after months of trying to clear our schedules to find a suitable time to share each others company. I cried in my car on the way back home (I can be such a girl sometimes *rolls eyes*) after I had pulled out of the parking lot and said out loud to myself “WE USED TO BE SO CLOSE” (yes I talk to myself sometimes, all the greats do). Anyway after that I just bust out into tears.

45 minutes earlier.

(lol… I watch too much television… but it’s ok, all the greats do)

When she came around the corner to the restaurant, for some reason I was still expecting to see the same girl I knew all those years ago with her short hair and rascal flair, even though I was standing there in red sky-scraping stilettos, chandelier earrings, with my eyes mascarad up (yes I said mascarad. It’s a new word I think, no worries… all the greats do it) and a dash (actually more than that) of eyeliner (to make my eyes pop) far from the careless girl I was when she last saw me. When I finally saw her, her 14 inch weave cascading down her back. I held back my tears. She had grown, we both had. I was happy to see her.

We got a table and the conversation flowed, mainly because it was made up of “wow it’s been forever” and other such cute talk relating to that nature.

She asked me questions that no longer applied to the space I was in… she seemed so excited though, I couldn’t pluck up the courage to tell her so much had changed.

I picked it up so quickly that she was under the impression that everything was still as it was when we last spoke. So much had changed.

 And we couldn’t ignore it, what with the awkward moments of silence where the only words that seemed to make up our vocabularies were either “wow you look so pretty” or just simply “sooo”. I am ashamed to even acknowledge how many times I used the words “but how is everything?”.

We were talking to the girls we once were. Each of us was still holding onto the girl we remembered, even though we clearly looking at a completely different person. It just seemed like the longest meal… mainly because we were running out of things to say, and I didn’t think the whole “so what are your views on global warming” topic would go down well, lol. I still felt a lot of love for her, but I could no longer relate to her. I could no longer identify myself in her as once did, neither could she find herself in me. We had changed. Things had changed. We had grown… into separate paths.

I am choking up a little bit recalling this (such a girl), lol

At the end of our evening, we resolved to “do this again sometime and next time we shouldn’t wait 4 years”. But we both knew that there would probably never be a next time. We had nothing to talk about… and even more than that… the two young ladies we had become in these past years, didn’t know each other.

There I was driving through the blurry sight of my tear filled eyes. I was happy to know she had been well. That she had been happy. It would have devastated me to hear that life had been unkind to her. The nurturer in me would have felt so guilty for having not been there. So it was good that she had been doing well.

The tears I was crying were not necessarily sad though. They were the kind of tears you cry when you become consciously aware that your life and who you are has crossed over into a new phase. I once read somewhere, something along the lines of how our lives go through different seasons, each perfectly ordered and how we should always allow ourselves the time to consciously experience each season as none last forever. I assume that what it means is simply that everything has its own place and time, and in whatever phase of your life you are, you should be the person that that phase requires of you to be, perfectly 9you know? lol).

I was now at that point where I was realising the different seasons I had been through and that I had grown. They were bittersweet tears. On the one had I had grown, YAY! On the other hand, it was both strange and sad that someone who I was once so close to had now become such a stranger.

I cried and then minutes later, I smiled.

I smiled because this made me think of all the best friends I had had through my life. It made me think of Kopano Zimba my first ever best friend from my Sun City Nursery school years (who probably doesn’t remember me it’s been so long). Of Nicole Levy and Noxolo Gcilishe in my early Fields Primary years, of Catherine Senne later on in that “white gold and blue” years (Fields school colours). I had had an amazing journey picking friends and even though so much had change and I no longer knew each of them as I once did, I was still so happy to have had the journey I had with each of them. I still wanted the best for them, I still cared so much for all of them. I have known love all of my life. I have been blessed.

Two weeks after this encounter I stood in front of a cute intimate crowd, gathered in honour of Tshire’s accomplishment (ok I am literally tearing up, but it’s ok, all of the greats do it, lol “it’s my allergies”). I had to avoid eye contact with her in order to keep my eyes from leaking, but I failed at that. She was sitting there looking like a little lady (crying like a baby) and I just kept seeing the girl in braces and spectacles I sat either next to, behind, or in front of back in my high school years. I am forever grateful for that class list, lol. I was proud. I have known love for a long time.

Having Bridget and Mmapaseka there did me no favours, lol. The ladies that had shared a massive part of my “grown up” years were all in the same space. I have known love for a long time.

I thought of tshego monedi and the emotional trip it’s been.

I thought of the friends I have shared a good journey with… all of them, the Nolo’s, Dineo’s, Tshegofatso’s, Tshegofatso’s, Tshegofatso’s (lol) Lerato’s, Cindy’s (cindy if you happen to come across this, khumbul’ekhaya sisi) the keelee’s (lol) it’s been a journey. I have known love for a long time.

The Boit’s, The tlotli’s, the Basi’s, the Minnie’s, the charmi’s, the Zinhle’s, The yoli’s the Phumi’s, the Kele (Hoffman…I have to specify, lol)  (ladies where is sizakele?) THE MEMORIES!!!

I smiled because I had been reminded of the ladies whose presence in my life had gotten me to this little lady I am now

One 45 minute date had made me count my blessings in a way so beautiful. I cannot help but gush over the friends I have kept. I am thankful for the love I have known.

And the love that has been upgraded by all the new beautiful souls that have been added to my life, continues to reduce me to tears. The love every single one you lovelies that have taken the journey with me, that are still journeying with me, that have recently joined this journey with me, and though I cannot control the course of this journey, I am thankful that you are all a part of it.

You will not get to keep all of the people you have been blessed with, but regardless of whether you lose contact or not, for whatever reason, remember this blessing. My universe will always whisper smiles and love to every friend I’ve had, have and will have.

This is a sisterhood that has prepared me for all the new sisters that have walked into my life, I am looking forward to these bonds (don’t worry newbees your mentions are on the way… a whole note just for you, lol)

I have known sisterhood and friendship in the same breathe. I have known love for a long time.

I have been blessed.