That guy John

Someone asked me with wondering eyes and a very sincere voice; “Theri but what are your intentions?”

He caught me by surprise, to say the very least. It was more his tone that startled me than his question. For the first time in a while I had no words (this is a point scary in itself because I am rarely ever at a loss for words…though in my defence, I do need to be around certain people in order to bring out my more gregarious side…I’m not shy or anything, I’m just a little reserved…ok a lot reserved but you catch my drift mos?).

Ok well anyway, I stood their with my mind catching a slight breeze of some sort, I would like to call it a recess of some kind but my mind wasn’t really in recession… there were things going through it, just not as quickly as usual…you know? (Don’t act like you don’t).

Let me just quickly sum up the spectrum of thoughts that pulsed (very softly) through my mind.

First I thought maybe he was trying to make conversation. I have heard on occasion that I seem intimidating (which I strongly question, only because I don’t understand how so) so maybe this was his way of testing whether I was ice cold or if I was actually approachable. But then, why would he test with such a question?

Then I thought he had noticed me feeling my boob, well I wasn’t actually feeling it, that sounds really lonely, lol. It’s more like…see the thing is, it happens almost habitually, like an instinct of some sort, a compulsion even. Hey, some people wash their hands a hundred times in 10 minutes, some go back to lock their cars 5 times in 3 minutes, I…just happen to touch my boob on the rare occasion. It happens real quick, it’s not obvious to the naked human eye, so he couldn’t have… he would’ve smiled or something…I mean he did…but not the way you know?

And since I had thought of every possible explanation for this question (by “every possible” I mean as many as I could possibly be expected to get through in the space of a split second, keeping in mind that I was being watched mind you) there was nothing left to do but pose. So I’m standing there with a blank stare, my head singing a chorus of “errrm’s” and “uhhhm’s” (all this in the space of a split second mind you) but I had a thoughtful look on my face and opted for the smarter response of “I’m not sure I know what you mean”. One must always remain in touch…or at the very least look as if they are, lol.

Then he said… let’s just call him John (no that’s not what he said, this is just a sentence on the side from me) anyway, then John said “you have this way about you, this assured, composed and sort of detached thing (I rolled my eyes at this bit…metaphorically of course, we don’t roll our eyes at people, it’ll hurt their feelings) but when you smile…you have this suspiciously alluring twinkle in you eyes”… well he didn’t say it as eloquently as that but let’s cut him some slack… English isn’t the most forgiving language in the world… to some…and it’s ok. Leave John be please.

I smiled then quickly reverted to my (charming) giggle after realising it was this smile that was putting me in this awkward position to begin with. How do I answer this question? I wasn’t sure where to even begin, I wasn’t sure if it even made sense. i didn't know how to answer it...so i didn't. but remember, one must always remain in touch…or at the very least look as if they are. so i said, "I think you might just be imagining things'.

He shook his head, and after a pause that i think was in tribute to quickly sorting through his p's and q's, he said... "Theri you are like one of those people who make you do things you wouldn't do in your right mind"..to which I replied "a hypnotist?" (yeah I go on with my smart ass self *crowd in the back yelling "yeah you go on wit' yo bad self"*). At this point a lovely lady who happened to be at the end of the rope trying to ignore my conversation with John decided to just jump right in (I didn't mind it, it eased my situation, distributed my discomfort, lol), and she said "i heard you laughing the other day and i also thought it was a little mischievous Theri"...

there was my song again "errmm uhhmm"... outloud this time (silly)

The whole day I was watching my smiles and laughs, plagued by the thought of coming across as suggestive.

It had me thinking about how a smile can speak a million things (in case you missed this lesson at english class...this children, is a hyperbole), I've spent a great deal of my time smiling at people I see in the hallways and by ways, not even consciously aware, and this whole time...this WWHHOOLLEE time... I had been communicating a message this deep, lol. It makes me wonder how many lives I may have changed, how many souls I may have offended, how many smiles I may have encouraged and what my contribution to anyones life may have been, just with my smile.

I'll always smile, of course, mischievous and suggestive or not...but I think after having this thought for tea and biscuits, I resolve to smile consciously. Smile as though I'm smiling to an actual human being...a person... a life (i mean I am obviously, but I mean...to be actually aware of people i cross paths with as opposed to just going through the motions...you know?). With these teeth, this cute arrangement of wide, sharp, slightly crooked (just one is crooked and it's sort of at the backish...so *puts a hand in a haters face* lol) choppers, I will change the world... save lives... make manifest the orders of divinity (again with the drama...you already know shem).

From John I take this lesson: smile consciously... be aware at all times that you are speaking to others' universes, your smile is your message, and your message has impact... small or big, this impact sends ripples through the pond that is another persons soul. make it count. of course John didn't consciously (I know, I know... somewhere on the other side of this note is a slick Rick saying "so conscious is the word of the day then?"...note: that slick Rick is me) teach me this...he's probably not even aware that I spent a whole day taking our mini conversation...in which case his words help stress my point about touching lives. But he has left me with a lesson i will teach my children someday.

I thought I'd share this with you all. In case your ponds need some rippling :)

I love you all and if you need one, here's a day's worth supply of smiles *throws day's worth supply of smiles*... even if you don't need them... take one anyway... or whatever (I've always wanted to be one of those people who finish off all of their sentences with "or whatever" but instead I became the ones who finish of with "in my life right now"... e.g. "I need the bathroom...in my life right now", it doesn't make sense, but I go H.A.M on it *H.A.M= hip hop term, not pork, i thank you..."in my life right now")

Anyway...I love you or whatever

...in my life right now

No that's enough now... bye dears.