Eureka!

"IF YOU FEEL ENERGY AND EXCITEMENT AND A SENSE THAT LIFE IS HAPPENING FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU ARE PROBABLY NEAR YOUR GOD-GIVEN NATURE"- Mark Nepo.

I read that somewhere...

Rewind a couple of years back to my matric year,
Directing a school play, I think it was the inter-house production (my house won *sticks out tongue*)
I sat in the back of the Grenville High School hall during rehearsals and playfully yelled to the actors: "VOICE PROJECTION!!!"

For about a week, a few grade 8's would murmur those same words when I walked past them,
trying also to mimic my twang. An unruly bunch they were. lol.

June 21 2013... almost exactly a month away from my 25th birthday,
My soul caught fire!!

My universe has always whispered to me the question:
"what are you doing love... What do want?""
and with every year it's gotten more and more impatient with me and started to ask this question more frequently,
each time with a little more authority.

My other self has always responded with a cold: "I'm not too sure, but according to theory,
if you do the school thing and get a degree,it should all eventually come together, somehow.
Not really, but maybe. I don't know... but I'm here aren't I? cliché has it that we all have a purpose. Let's wait and see how it all unfolds."

She's not shy,and she's quite strong willed.
It's just... well she's always been very soft spoken and not too specific about things.
Until today.

"PHUQ everything I've ever felt before... This is by far the realest feeling I've ever been to."

It must have been around 8 a.m,
I had been sitting at my desk for about an hour,
maybe a few minutes more.
Sorting through a file, I landed on credentials that brought my heart to life.

My universe creeped in to bully me with it's characteristic question:
"what do you want love?"

I became one of those actors. From the back of the hall, a director yelled:
"VOICE PROJECTION!!!"

*Note: this voice sounds like Morgan Freeman, lol)

And she (my other self) ROARED!!!
Her soul set itself on fire and got on its feet... chest out, chin up, with feeling... she ROARED!:

"I WANT TO BE A COMMUNICATIONS PROFESSIONAL COVERING ALL ASPECTS OF THE STRATEGIC PR/COMMUNICATION FUNCTION,
FROM STRATEGY DEVELOPMENT AND IMPLEMENTATION TO STAKEHOLDER RELATIONS"

Her eyes lit up.

Are you joking?!
I have never in my life given a more specific, more affirmed and more final answer.
I HAVE NEVER!!!

Most people had decided halfway through high school when it was time to choose subjects.
Not this girl... My plan : "let's take the commerce route, it's broad, we'll figure it out later."

Nothing has ever put into words EXACTLY what it is I want.
Nothing has ever made me feel willing to leave every... Single... Thing behind.

"consider this...would you do it for free?"... the question we're told to ask ourselves when we decide what careers to build.
Nothing, other than this, has ever commanded a definite "YES" as the only answer.
Nothing has ever blurred every other option out.
I have never been more ready to move towards something.
There isn't even a shred of anxiety.

My desk, for which I am both grateful and appreciative of, has plagued me with anxiety.
I haven't addressed this panic... mostly because I have never been able to give myself clear instruction
as to exactly what direction to move in.

This woman's credentials are my revelation.
A whole list of things that spoke to my world.
I feel like I've just been birthed.
It's taken a whole 25 years to take my first breathe.
My ever so illusive "AHA-MOMENT"...
I've arrived at it.
This feels beautiful.

Thank you Jesus.
Smile... You never know who's watching :)